A New Slimmer You Is Just A Pair Of Jeans Away

I ran across this interesting new jean company. The company is called *Not Your Daughter's Jeans* that claim to have jeans that will flatten your tummy, lift your butt and allows you to wear a size smaller. Also known as *Tummy Tuck Jeans.* All that flattening, lifting and *downsizing* is comfortable to movement and sitting. Costs run from $88 to 120. With sizes 2-24 including large petites.

Well, sounds like a great idea. That *bulging* has to go somewhere though. Doesn't sound comfortable either. Wonder how hard it is to get into these jeans? Hopefully this logo isn't on the back pocket so everyone behind you knows you're wearing a *special garment.*

Check out their web site for stores http://www.tummytuckjeans.com

Wonder what would happen with a *garment malfunction?* Wouldn't be a pretty sight I'm sure.

Mmmmmm........Corndog!!!!

What? Vin Diesel With Hair?

Seems like Vin has *sprouted* some red locks for his new movie, *Find Me Guilty* This is kind of creepy to me.

After being miscast for the movie *Pacifier* now he's not only been miscast but has hair for this movie. Seems like Robert De Niro would've been more suited for this role and he already has hair.

This movie is based on a true story. The trial of mobster, Jackie DiNorscio, which lasted the longest in the history of U.S. crime, 21 months. Jackie.....er.....Vin represents himself in court. He starts out being a clown and ends up a hero. Huh? I guess you'll have to see the movie to find out how this happens.

The review I read gave this movie a measly two stars, but I must add a disclaimer. I saw the movie *Magnolia* starring Tom *Terrific* Cruise when it came out. It had gotten a whopping five stars and it was AWFUL!!!!! So.....

Diesel plays a tough wise-cracking mobster complete with Jersey accent. This has to be where it goes wrong. Diesel can't speak more then three words at a time and with a Jersey accent. I don't buy it! If he's doing any *long* speaking parts at all it must seem like an eternity before the movie is over.

Vin Diesel is Riddick!!!!! Thank goodness the hair is a wig.

Dutch Immigrant Test Gets Naked

Wacky ideas seem to be spreading the globe like the bird flu. NYC with it's condoms, Mexico with it's sex doll TV ads and now the Netherlands with it's nudey immigration test. The idea is to slow down the influx of immigrates with a test that involves viewing gay men kissing in the park and topless women emerging from the sea into a beach full of sun bathers. *If they can't stomach it, no need to apply.*

The film was made to make immigrates ready for their new life in the country. The country is known for it's *openness.* Amsterdam has probably the largest *red light* district anywhere including Las Vegas. Sex shops abound, nudity is abundant, gender bending is everywhere. This is the place to come to if you want a sex change operation that doesn't involve a lot of medical questions. Yes, these thing are in the U.S. too, but we aren't as open about it as the Dutch are. Whether that's good or bad........

Anti-immigration sentiment peaked after the killing of filmmaker, Theo van Gogh by a Dutch national of Moroccan descent in 2004.

The test seems to aimed at Muslims who would find the content of the test offensive. Taking the exam costs $420. The price includes the film, a CD-ROM. Also a picture album of famous Dutch people can be purchased for $75.

*As of today, immigrants wishing to settle in the Netherlands for, in particular, the purposes of marring or forming a relationship will be required to take the civic intergration exam abroad,* the Immigration Ministry said in a statement. But, not all is happy in the *land of wooden shoes.* While it is predicted that this test will cut down immigration by at least one third, others see it as *a black day for the people to bring their partners to Holland,* a lobbying group for mixed Dutch immigrating couples says.

A *watered down* version of the film will be available to some countries that find the images offensive. Which brings to the point of why I'm writing this. If the Dutch government made this film to prepare the immigrates for what sights they will see when they land in the country, why make a *watered down* version? Why make a not *watered down* version? It doesn't make any sense. As Forrest Gump would say, *Stupid is as stupid does.*

Have You Gotten Your Banana Guard Yet?

Tried of getting to work or school only to find your banana has been bruised or bent? Well, now you can solve that problem by getting the Banana Guard. It will protect your banana and also allow it to breath so it prevents premature ripening. There's nothing worse then a premature ripened banana when your heart is set for a nice firm, yellow one.

They come in 9 colors. Like:

• ravishing red
• outrageous orange
• pretty in pink
• glow in the dark

The cost is very reasonable, $6.99 each, except the glow in the dark which runs $7.99. There are discounts for multiple buys.

Check them out at http://www.bananaguard.com. You'll be glad you did!

Casaya Wins Again

In a twist, the reward and immunity challenges are rolled into one. The winner takes all.

The challenge is a puzzle solver. Sounds easy right? The tribes pick three people each to run the chris-cross course one at a time for each tribe, to get four big, heavy puzzle pieces and two different players from each tribe are chosen to solve the puzzle. La Mina gets a huge lead by gathering all the pieces way ahead of Casaya. Dan and Sally were chosen to solve the puzzle, but were unable to even get one piece of the puzzle done before Bruce and Cirie had finished their puzzle. Casaya wins immunity and a Bar-B-Q. They then chose Sally to go to Exile Island for La Mina. A very smart move on their part as the *exiler* has immunity also.

On Exile Island, Sally is glad to be there for several reasons. She knew she was going to get the ax next and she's glad to be away from the *all mighty men* for some girl/alone time. She also looks for the immunity idol.

Casaya goes to a Panama village for food, drinks and company outside of the tribe. Music, dancing, kids playing, oh.....did I mention food? The affair looks like a neighborhood block party. *Memento Man* spies something else......a guy with smokes. *I'd give him all my clothes and go naked all day for just one puff.* The gods are with us, cause we are spared seeing Shane naked. He smokes that cigarette like he was making love. His eyes get so glazed.

La Mina goes back to camp to decide who gets to be the *sacrificial lamb,* for the good of the *kingdom.* After some discussion, *King* Terry tells Dan that it's him. Dan takes on the responsibility for not being able to put the puzzle together.

At tribal council it's all very democratic and nice with *King* Terry telling Jeff that he made the decision for the man with *all the right stuff* Dan to go with regret.

It's going to be interesting to see how *King* Terry, Aras and *Memento Man* all get along. Can't hardly wait for the merge, which should be coming up very soon.

Sex Dolls Used In TV Ads

I read an article in today's paper, The Arizona Republic, that Mexico is using blow-up sex dolls in ads for sexual harassment. I had to sort of laugh when I first read the article. My imagination went into full throttle. Here's the article:
*Mexican television is showing jarring scenes of inflatable sex dolls dressed as office workers, part of a campaign by Mexico's National Women's Institute to dramatize the problem of sexual harassment in the work place.
The television is part of the campaign, which includes billboards and radio ads, shows the wide-mouthed sex dolls dressed as secretaries, sitting at desks or photocopiers as men leer at them or try to grope them.
*No woman should be treated like an object,* a narrator says in the background*.

Image this, your watching say, 7th Heaven, the squeaky clean Camden family, when all of a sudden, a office full of sex dolls appears on the screen with men trying to cop a feel. That would be pretty startling and hilarious at the same time. Just seeing so many sex dolls in one area at once would be something. All those mouths just asking for it. Dressed as secretaries. Sounds like someone's fantasy.

I don't think an ad like this would happen here in the U.S. Not that it should. I don't think a sex toy is the best thing to use when talking about sexual harassment. It just seems so.......I don't know.......really, really wrong. I assume the men are real live men. (This like something you would see on Adult Swim at night. Not that I would know anything about that. Hee! Hee! Say maybe on the Robot Chicken) Could you really take this seriously? And the billboards. Explain that to your four year old as you're driving along. I think they could've come up with something else to get the point across.

I wonder who had the catalog to order all these dolls? Government of Mexico putting in a large order for sex dolls. WOW!!! Questions could go on for a while.

Finally, I Get My OK To Kill!

As of this week, I'm no longer a criminal!! That's always great news! The Arizona Senate and now the House Commererce Committee approved the bill this week.

I've been having to kill on the sly. Not always a comfortable position to be in. All this killing is done in day time hours with plenty of people around to watch and report. Some of those people are *undercover* of course, so you just never knew. Also, I wouldn't even have to do the actual killing to get busted, just a word on a flyer could get me in trouble. While I'm good at my craft, I always had to keep an eye out. But, now I can kill to my heart's content.

But, one agency is still not happy with my new found freedom. They still have concerns that I might do them harm. I'm getting a very small amount of *their piece of the pie* is all it comes down too really. I've seen the harm that they've done with all their hours of practice and licenses.

I'm talking about weed killing. Yes, up until this week it was against the law for me to spray a weed with weed killer. The Pest Control industry has been busting people for spraying weeds, if you were spraying a weed not in your yard. Say your elderly Mom needed a weed sprayed in her yard and you went over to her house and sprayed it.......*law breaker*!! The fine was $2,500 per offense.

Being in the landscape industry, this is just plain silliness. Products that are sold at the local Home Depot or other home improvement center that any 12 year old could buy was illegal to apply in a yard that wasn't yours.

Bob Hartley, vice prez of Truely Nolen Pest Control is still concerned that I'll do harm to your yard, because I haven't been *trained* in the use of weed control and have the proper license from the Pest Control Commission. That I'll spray your bush and kill it along with the weed. Well, I have a friend who last Spring had her lawn sprayed for weeds by a professional pest control company and not only did they kill her weeds, but her grass and three bushes. One year later, her lawn is still dead and newly planted plants still die. *Roundup does its job of killing vey well and if misused, it will devastate a yard,* Hartley says. True, but the products do have very good instructions and hazards listed. So.......... It real boils down to a tiny bit of money that the pest control companies might lose to people like me.

Dysfunctional Functional Tribe

*Memento Man* aka Shane is right about that. That was his description of his tribe, Casaya, at tribal council where he casts a vote for Aras to not go back on his word *I swear on my son* to Bobby not to vote for him. Bobby did get voted out, after the girls decided he would be better than Bruce, to get rid of. Both Bruce and Bobby were on the *chopping block* after they spent the night together in the outhouse drinking up the wine the tribe had won at reward challenge. This didn't sit well with the girls, especially Courtney.

Back to the beginning.......Bruce spends his time making a Zen rock garden instead of helping with the fire. Aras bickers with Bruce about it. *I don't get no respect* replies Bruce. Courtney doesn't help when later she *violates* the Zen garden by doing Yoga in it. *With the whole beach, she has to do that here,* Bruce states with clinched teeth. He votes for Courtney at tribal council. (Dysfunction abounds).

At reward challenge, Casaya wins the rice, beans, fish, spices and cooking oil. La Mina loses and gets to take home beans that Terry seems to choose all by himself. Casaya banishes Terry to Exile Island for the second time. Since he found the creepy shrunken head immunity idol last time he spends this time resting, hydrating and eating snails. He voices his concern for *his* tribe's lack of food and the toll it is taking.

La Mina goes all out for the beans and cooks them all and gorges. Not a good idea. Austin and Nick find themselves sick with GI problems all night. Taking turns *using the tree.*

La Mina *limp* into the immunity challenge the next day. Terry saves their butt and they win the challenge.

At tribal council, Bruce doesn't have to reveal that he didn't find the creepy idol when votes go to Bobby.

Can't wait until next week to see if *Memento Man* finally pushes his part of the dysfunction to the limits or will Bruce's Zen garden get messed up and his dysfunction button gets pushed?

March Madness and I'm Not Talkin' Basketball

The madness of March is all the very odd holidays and anniversaries and such.

Today is the 84th anniversary of the birth of the founder of Mad Magazine, William M. Gaines. Thank you for bringing us such *over the edge* entertainment. Also today, back in 1692, the start of the Salem witch hunt hysteria. Now, that is truly March madness!

Thursday is......*Lucy, I'm home* Desi Arnezes' birthday, he was born in 1917. Also on that same day the anniversary of numbered highways (1925).

March 3rd we find Mr. Wizard debuting his show on TV in 1951. (Way before my time. Who is Mr. Wizard?) On March 6th Lou Costello's 100th birthday anniversary. The game of Monopoly (always buy Parkplace) was invented in 1933, on the 7th. Barbie was *born* on March 9, 1959. In related news, Ken had been through a *metrosexual* makeover and is trying to win back Barbie. Thought you all would be pleased as punch to know that they could get back together. But, Barbie's PR people say she is happy with her new *man*.

The Great Blizzard of '88, that's 1888, on March 12th took place. In 1781, on the 13th, the planet Uranus (gigggle) was discovered. (Don't ya just love saying that word? URANUS?)

The first FBI *10 Most Wanted List* debuted on March 14, 1950. Shemp Howard was born March 17, 1895. Who?

March 25, 1969, we find John and Yoko doing the *bed- in for peace* (OKAAAAY) in Amsterdam. On that same day in 1918, Howard Cosell was born.

The Niagara Falls runs dry on March 29, 1848. That would've been something to see. Amaze your friends and family with that bit of trivia. Speaking of trivia, the game show Jepopardy debuted on March 30, 1964.

For 1,000......who is Alex Trebek?